Why Do I Have To Be...

... the one who have to pretend like nothing ever occurred?
... the one who appears to be not affected by the happenings around me?
... the sensible one?
... the rational one?
... the responsible one?
... the 'nice' one?
... the one who appears strong, when I'm hurt?
... the survivor, when I feel like a victim?

When in truth... all I wanna do is just break down and cry...

Bests of the world? Never was in my possession... still searching.
Will not be easy, never was, never will.

I am fully aware that this 'ranting' ain't gonna solve/change anything...
Just wished I had it easier... in letting go...

I thought I could take it easy in August... and let everything fall into places nicely before I join and concentrate in my future workplace...

Little did I know, August turned out to be the worst month of 2009 (if not my life thus far).
So many obstacles, so many challenges, so many disappointments, so many anger and upsets...
Not that I wanna blame anyone... I just need time.